The new Secretary of Defense, Robert Gates , is gathering options to report to President Bush on increasing our military size – i.e. recruiting.  Here’s a thought.  It’s cheap – in fact free and it works.

Offer our military personnel 72 virgins to greet them in heaven and be at their disposal.  Oh, and don’t forget to throw in personal martyrdom and historical significance/remembrance.

According to media polls and research and what I’ve ascertained from media outlets, the American military forces are stabilizing if not decreasing and terrorists forces are increasing.

Why?  Hell, all our military personnel get are pensions, badges and sometimes imprisonment with conjugal visits maybe every 3 months while their terrorist counterparts get laid and remembered for all eternity.  Oh, and nobody scrutinizes the terrorist for how his/her bomb went off, how deadly it was or how humane it was.

WWI and WWII veteran (and by his own accounts a veteran of Caesar’s Roman army) and former Olympic athlete, General George S. Patton is remembered as stating that ‘No bastard ever won a war by dying for his country. He won it by making the other poor dumb bastard die for his country.’

Perhaps Mr. Gates could utilize that wisdom – let’s take the best of Americana to win the war against terrorism.  How about a little dose of Hollywood, with a splash of Walt Disney, a pinch of General Patton and a whole lotta CNN.

If these poor bastards want to die for their cause and kick-start their orgies, let’s help.  Let’s set up a theme-park in the middle of Iraq – it can be a Disney-Alladin-themed ‘Arabian Nights’.  We can utilize our Hollywood FX and explosive experts to setup buses with real-life looking people on board.  Then mix in a little Patton and offer explosive vests at the gate (Tuesdays can be a two-for-one deal and Thursday is bring a date night).  CNN can be there to record their epitaph alongside 20 or so make-believe virgins (perhaps Miss USA contestants who either lost their crown or are in rehab) and post it on a special blog section of their website.

See Mr. Gates – your new job will be much easier than being a university president.