Paddling is so old-school.  Is there any school that still does this?  I doubt it.  It is no longer PC – ‘politically correct’.  Too many lawsuits.

What a sham(e).  Forget the power and utility of behavior modification, we’ve lost a part of Americana and an easy way for a tough underdog to get a girl’s attention.  Maybe if kids could still earn some dignity with a good, well publicized paddling, we wouldn’t have kids bringing guns and knives to school looking to earn (or demand) the respect of their peers.

A few years after my parent’s divorced, I moved with my mother to West Virginia.  It was 1978 – the underdog/outcast era of Rocky Balboa, Mad Max, Saturday Night Fever and Greased Lightning.  Upon arriving in what was probably my 3rd school in 4 years, I stirred the classroom’s bee’s nest by taking an interest in the most popular girl – Tanya.  Her boyfriend felt a little crowded so he sent his buddy Doug (who was twice the size of any of the rest of us) while the teacher was out to deliver me a message to back off.  This was 4th grade by the way – really serious stuff.

In a lucky move, probably just because I caught him off guard when he grabbed me, I gave him a half-flip (hey, I was half his size) and he caught the corner of a desk which was enough to send both him and the desk to a loud, crashing and certainly unwelcome collapse to the floor.

That was the only luck I would have as, unfortunately for me, the sound was loud enough that the evidence (body and desk) was still on the floor when the teacher arrived in a panic.  Off to the principal’s office I went.  Me.  The new kid who was just defending himself.  After a brief discussion, the principal walked over to me with a paddle that seemed as tall as me and instructed me to bend over and grab my knees.  WHACK.  WHACK.  Twice.  Damn.  If you’ve ever been paddled, then you know that the 2nd swat is the deliverance of hell.  That’s the one that makes you catch your breath when you sit down.  Smarts.

But that paddling was effective behavior modification.  I didn’t need Ritalin.  Nope, just a paddling and I learned my lesson which was to never flip my peers onto a collapsible desk – and get caught.  Well, ok, maybe it didn’t modify my behavior so much, as Doug and I had a couple more run-ins in which we were both paddled.  But paddling did earn me the respect of my new peers including Doug and of course, Tanya.?? That girl was just hot and worth every punch and paddle.

Bring paddling back - let boys be boys and do stupid (and harmless in the grand scheme of things) to earn their whacks and defend their girl.  Nothing wrong with a little self-respect and chivalry.  In the end, we all went home and our school was never featured on national news networks.