Introversion – one of those words that society has deemed negative.  How odd.  Why?  There are a lot of people who consider themselves to be introverts that are actually extraverts with low self-esteem.  I’ve spent time with many people like this who feel like they are afflicted with a disorder of sorts.  They admire those that they consider to be ‘true extraverts’ and see themselves as weaker, therefore opposite, therefore introverted.  The results?  The two words – weak & introverted - become interchangeable.  Of course, there are plenty of true introverts out there, but they aren’t necessarily quiet so you cannot define them (or yourself) by chattiness.

But you should also know that many ‘extraverts’ are not truly extraverts, but introverts with low self-esteem who try to overcompensate.  You know the type – they seem to fit the extrovert pattern, talk, talk, talk – but the talk is one-sided and at some point you begin to wonder if their ears are for decoration or purely function as glasses holders.  Right?  Think Del Griffith (John Candy) in Planes, Trains and Automobiles.  Chatty Cathy doll.  That’s not extraversion – that’s loneliness and fear.  Here’s a little tip to help you recognize the difference if you suspect you have encountered a ‘Del’.  During your ‘conversation’ say the strangest word that comes to mind – say, gopher, for example.  If they effortlessly and without pause jump into a story about gophers – run!

And who was stuck in Wichita with Del but Neal (Steve Martin).  An introvert who just wanted to get home to his quiet family.  Who just wanted to quietly read his newspaper.  A true introvert hillariously paired with a masked introvert with gopher-syndrome.

Carl Jung, the father of modern personality studies coined the terms extravert and introvert to describe the two polarities of energy in personalities.  Meaning: extraverts gain energy from the outside world and lose energy from the inside world and introverts are, as expected, the opposite.

Personally, I am extraverted.  I gain energy from sharing experiences with people – and I want to hear their experiences as much as I want to share mine.  For me, learning (and teaching) happens in those shared experiences.  Too little interaction sucks the life out of extraverts like me.  Think Tom Hanks in “Cast Away” whose extraverted character brilliantly survives an island marooning by mimicking – in great detail - a relationship with a stray volleyball he named ‘Wilson’ - right down to the problem solving of breaking up, reconciling then letting go.  It was only when he lost Wilson that Tom Hank’s character quit and let his paddles go.  Now don’t pretend that you didn’t cry when Wilson ‘died’ and Hanks gave up and drifted on alone.

And when I am working late at night or mired deeply in a multitude of projects to the point that my social interaction is weakened, this blog becomes my ‘Wilson’.  You’re not saying much back to me (that I can hear anyway , but I’ve painted a little face on my computer screen and pretend that my stories affect you and that you have stories to share back.  And no, I am not on medication, but thanks for asking…;)  That’s extraversion.

Introversion is just the opposite.  I know many people that enjoy company and conversation, but love the opportunity for aloneness to recharge and process their thoughts privately.  Too much interaction sucks the life out of them.  And remember, introverts can be chatty too.  The difference is that they won’t chat as long.  They will tune out mentally and at some point physically as their energy drops and they will process the thoughts that were generated later – alone.

So define yourself and learn how to recharge yourself by recognizing where you derive your energy.  I’ve had many deep conversations about life, politics, religion, you name it with both types of personalities – and for me, the extravert, I go home charged.  So charged that I can’t sit still.  I have to re-digest what I’ve learned with my wife and at some point near exhaustion, I finally retreat with the information and examine it internally.  Introverts skip the whole re-digesting part and likely put the information away until they have the energy again to examine it.

Problem solving, by the way, takes both extraversion and introversion.  We need extraversion to publicly challenge our assumptions (introverts hate this) and collect enough information.  And equally, introversion helps us to step out of the chaos that is life (extraverts hate this) and correct our course.  Introversion is a skill everyone should have at least to a small degree.  Yet, society will tell you that introversion is negative.  Bunk.

And this all begs the questions – which are you – introverted or extraverted?  Do you sometimes feel stuck in Wichita with Del or are you more likely to feel marooned with Wilson?  And how has this polarity affected your relationships?  Can you think of times where you’ve socially been paired up with someone similar to you – you probably gained energy from this.  And how about those times when you are paired up with the opposite personality – a draining time?

The net gain here is to identify your energy source and recognize the energy needs/abilities of those around you.  When you are feeling adventurous, sit down with an opposite, but when you feel like you are battling for energy, find your comfort zone with a like-minded person and recharge.  This information should help you improve both your personal and professional relationships.  Many marriages have been saved with this knowledge just as many businesses have grown faster than believed possible with it.